Glastonbury looked rubbish this year, but our favourite moment, surprisingly, came from Metallica’s headline set on the Saturday night. In an oddly peaceful reverie between tracks of bludgeoning heavy metal, goatee-bearded holler-rocker James Hetfield, the band’s hunt-loving politics-shunning lead singer, took to the mic to bathe the crowd in a nice bit of wishy-washy pseudo-philosophy.
“I’ve got three questions”, he said, before asking the crowd to put their hands up/bellow/be generally noisily enthusiastic if they wanted a) the world to be a better place, b) to live in integrity according to their morals and c) be loved as they are. And then, without the merest hint of irony, he dedicated a song to the cuddly hippy idealism of everyone present: ‘This one is for all of you… CYANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!”
Anyway, we’re not putting any out-and-out Metallica up because it’s all very silly, to quote Professor Yaffle. Instead, you can have some filtered through the brain and digits of YouTube genius Andy Rehfeldt, here remedying the principal fault of metal music, namely its abject lack of self-deprecation and humour. If it was all like this, we’d listen to nothing but.