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77 year-old Terry Hutt (no relation to Jabba) camped outside St Mary’s Hospital in London awaiting the royal birth

77 year-old Terry Hutt (no relation to Jabba) camped outside St Mary’s Hospital in London awaiting the royal birth

A human female has miraculously given birth to a human baby and everyone seems very pleased, if by everyone you mean the mythical, classless, fawningly deferential Great British Public conjured up the TV news.

This year, millions of people will modestly reproduce with little fanfare outside their immediate social circle. But when a rich lady who married into planet Earth’s foremost line of inbred genetic mutants does the same, the media seizes it on as a cause for jubilation. Kate Mountbatten-Windsor has strenuously plopped another organism out of herself like a fleshy Thunderbird 2 messily depositing Thunderbird 4, and that deserves respect. So does every other act of reproduction in the world.

Having gone through the most obsessed-over gestation in human history, George Alexander Louis Mountbatten-Windsor can get on with gurgling and defecating obliviously while the rest of us are subjected to constant updates on his progress. Thankfully, though, there has been a principled whimper in amongst the general sycophantic uproar, as left-wing writers take the media to task for its nauseating deference, eye-wateringly pro-Royal bias and general un-journalistic conduct.

The reliably excellent Laurie Penny meditates on the grim contrast between the royal birth and how we portray teenage single mothers with her standard panache. The Mirror’s Brian Reade says what we can assume a fair slice of the population is thinking about the insane levels of Baby Cambridge coverage. And in a simple, humble press release, Green Party leader Natalie Bennett congratulates every new parent in Britain whose offspring will have to share their birthday with their eventual unelected head of state.

The Bemolution wishes the Royal Sprog a nice life. We’d even go so far as to say we were pleased it was a boy – in an era when the pressures on young women to be slim and flawlessly attractive at all times are already unbearable, the life of a prospective Princess of Cambridge would’ve been a paparazzi-hounded nightmare. Since it was a he not a she, its existence will be moderately easier.

But for a more politically sound end, we’ll finish by quoting Keir Hardie’s speech to parliament marking the birth of Prince Edward, heir to the throne, in 1894: ‘from his childhood onwards this boy will be surrounded by sycophants and flatterers and be taught to believe himself as of a superior creation. A line will be drawn between him and the people whom he is to be called upon some day to reign over … and the end of it all will be that the country will be called upon to pay the bill’.

Laurie Penny: http://www.newstatesman.com/society/2013/07/babies-we-dont-care-about

Brian Reade: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/royal-baby-news-wish-wills-2079208

Natalie Bennett: http://greenparty.org.uk/news/2013/07/22/green-party-leader-congratulates-todays-1983-(estimated)-new-parents-in-britain/

Question Time: Coventry, 9th May

The Coventry sky-line

The Coventry sky-line

As the NHS tumbles down the slope towards privatisation, Question Time ignores it completely and obsesses about Europe. Such is the unearthly power of Middle England’s xenophobe Dracula Nigel Farage.

The Place: Coventry, the West Midlands

This week: having done paradigm-shiftingly well in last week’s local government elections, UKIP and Nigel Farage were suddenly, inescapably everywhere; the government announced widely controversial plans to tackle migrants coming to the UK to use the NHS, asking doctors and nurses to blow the whistle on so-called ‘health tourists’; and David Cameron appointed Old Etonian number six to his inner circle, making Jo Johnson, brother to London’s Mayor, the head of No. 10’s policy unit.  Continue reading

Question Time: Worcester, 25th April

The place: Worcester, the West Midlands

This week: the UK’s economy registered a slight return to growth (0.3%); Britain fumed at the continued failure to deport murder-inciting radical Islamist Abu Qatada; and Tory Education overlord Michael Gove continued his scholastic party-pooping by calling for longer school days and shorter school holidays. Continue reading

Left-Wing Least-Worstism: Unite Or Die

The reason this blog’s cod-philosophical standpoint is called ‘Left-Wing Least-Worstism’ is because of a very un-leftish pessimism. The situation we’re in is abjectly bad.

That might sound extreme – the consensus seems to be that things might be tentatively improving on the political front. Certainly, Occupy and the boisterous anti-cuts movement have provided some much-needed reasons to be almost cheerful. But we need to be brutally realistic – they come after a quarter-century of decline. More tellingly, they had little to do with the ‘established’ Left, instead riding on the free-thinking and initiative of passionate individuals largely operating outside official groups. Continue reading

Question Time: Cardiff, 14th March

Kirsty Williams, Francis Maude, the top of David Dimbleby's head, the side of Chuka Umunna's and the back of Leanne Wood's

Kirsty Williams, Francis Maude, the top of David Dimbleby’s head, the side of Chuka Umunna’s and the back of Leanne Wood’s

After last month’s bloated horror, the Bemolution offers a more svelte entry into its mainstream-monitoring initiative for increased readability and the sake of its own continuing sanity.

The Place: Cardiff, Wales

This week: one-time Lib Dem leadership hopeful turned Coalition energy minister Chris Huhne and his ex-wife Vicky Pryce were sentenced to eight months in jail for perverting the course of justice; David Cameron killed off cross-party talks on how best to put Leveson’s proposals on press reform into action; and Work & Pension Secretary Ian Duncan-Smith was forced to exempt soldier’s families from his spare-room-penalising Bedroom Tax. Continue reading

Question Time: Eastleigh, 28th February

Angela Eagle and Claire Perry in Eastleigh

Angela Eagle and Claire Perry in Eastleigh

Having roundly battered Question Time the other week when launching its reluctant bid to cover it now and again to keep up with the political mainstream, the Bemolution found the first episode it watched in ages reasonably interesting.

The Setting: Eastleigh, Hampshire, unsurprisingly, on the day of the obsessed over by-election to replace newly-disgraced Lib Dem Chris Huhne. Mostly leafy and affluent, it tends to bounce between the Tories and the Liberals.

The Background: Huhne, narrowly beaten by Nick Clegg to the Liberal leadership in 2007 and until very recently one of the party’s highest fliers, pled guilty to perverting the course of justice earlier this month. Years previously, he’d made his ex-wife take the legal flak for speeding offences he had committed himself to protect his political career. He consistently denied the allegations for months but eventually came clean, resigning as both Coalition energy and climate change secretary and Eastleigh MP. Continue reading